Yesterday I posted the introduction to Jung’s book on his ‘interior biography’, his memoir relating to the development of his personality and consciousness, where he said ‘my encounters with the other reality, my bouts with the unconscious, are indelibly engraved upon my memory… Outward circumstances are no substitute for
That resonates …
Yesterday I also received my final acceptance letter for Seminary for 2012. This is the beginning of what has been an epic journey already so far. And I wanted to mark the journey by reflecting and putting ‘out there’ what has happened over the last 5 years, reminding myself of the road map that has gotten me to this point, and as I thought about rehashing that 5 year old story – I thought to myself – I just don’t have the energy nor the inclination to revisit those moments that have made up the process so far, no matter how exciting they were at the time …
But, I did have a dream. A numinous dream (a divine dream) if you like, almost 12 months ago now which speaks into this journey so far… which tells this same story, from a past, present and future perspective and which, as Jung proposed, speaks far more tellingly of the inner development than it does of any outer happenings …
So should I share the dream? Here goes …
I am standing at the entrance to this enormous and beautiful building. It has an entranceway which towers above me. I can only see the foyer and inside there are columns maybe 100 times my size. The whole place was quiet and shadowy and echoey. It wasn’t frightening, but it was deeply overwhelming and I as I stepped over the threshold, my breath was taken away. It was too overwhelming to go inside.
So I stepped back outside and went around the side of the building and into the
gift shop attached to this ‘museum’ (at this point I had not identified what
the place was although it felt like a museum or a cathedral). I walked into the gift shop and found it is almost like a cartoon zoo – the first part of the dream was dark and shadowy and in sharp contrast this part was full of colour and green grass and animation and life – lots of life – there were animals all around and little rabbits
popping their heads up out of their warrens – I continued through this fun and
special place and came to the back of the shop.
In front of me was a cupboard (very Narnia-like I know) with a doorway leading through the back into a dark room – I couldn’t see what was on the other side, but hanging in the cupboard was an orange garment, there were people standing around me, who I couldn’t see and they dressed me in the garment and sent me on my way through the cupboard. Equipped and ready.
It was perhaps some weeks after having that dream that I went to a talk where they spoke about and showed pictures of Nortre Dame and it was then that I recognised it as the place in my dream … (Collective unconscious, repressed memory from the media? I have never been to Notre Dame, nor do I remember seeing pictures – but I might have) … anyway in my mind I was too overwhelmed to step into that symbol of all things overwhelmingly and traditionally ‘churchy’.
When I started this journey into ministry – I was terrified and overwhelmed. I almost couldn’t breathe for fear of what would be expected of me and it took 2 extra years for my candidature application to be finally accepted and moved forward. During which time I was ‘gifted’ with the opportunity to work at Musgrave as the Assistant Minister. Over the last 2 years, I have been loved and nurtured and allowed to make mistakes and to grow – come the end of the year, I will be standing on the shoulders of the amazing people who have supported me in this time ‘in the gift shop’. I don’t know what the future holds, how I will get on in Seminary or the full time ministry for that matter – but I do know this – I am ready!
I believe (have faith in and trust) that twelve months ago God, through the Holy Spirit, spoke into my innermost being and planted this image for me – it has carried me through uncertain times, doubting times, impatient times and it has reminded me that not only are we loved – but that we are guided and that when God calls us to something – God makes sure we are ready to take on whatever it is that God has for us.
My initial calling came through Esther 4:14 … Esther was called for a specific time and place and when that time was right, she was prepared.
By the grace of God, I am prepared…