Nobody said seminary would be easy. But some days I feel like I am wading through mud.
This past week feels like an exercise in mind numbing torture.
In our news: Oscar Pistorius (accidentally) murders his girlfriend, South Africa reels and almost breaks under the dark truth of gender violence and cruelty, a new political player enters our stage under intense scrutiny and criticism, the head of the Catholic Church resigns, the first in 500 odd years …
And what do we talk about?
We talk about John Wesley, the father of Methodism. We talk about him ad nauseum. This, of course, is because that it is what our syllabus requires of us. This is what we have been told is relevant for future ministers. I could weep!
At no point have we attempted to connect our faith and our learning with the real world. I have tried on a few occasions and in different settings to raise some of these questions, but we seem to be too frightened/too diplomatic to broach them. This stuff is important – is it not? – not just because of its sensationalist nature but because this is what our country is talking about. How do we interrogate the new political party’s ideology in light of our current political landscape? How do we teach others to be analytical without the outright dismissal of a potentially important moment in our history, our future? How do we respond theologically?
How do we learn about the ugly side of human nature if we don’t discuss rape, gender violence and patriarchy? Holding meaningful ceremonies without rigorous teaching and conversation to underpin them is, well, meaning-less. I read a comment from an extremely well educated young man studying abroad this past week that said the following: “Men, wake up tomorrow and make your mother or wife a cup of tea. Compliment a stranger on her looks”. This guy speaks so much truth and yet this one statement on how to address gender issues shows how just far we still have to travel. We are not addressing these things here.
So I am demoralised. I am despondent … it feels like we are going around in circles rather than taking any meaningful steps forward.
God forgive me… I am trying to remain positive and to keep my head up – ‘running the race with endurance and courage’ but some days are just tough.
“Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise. Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage each other, especially now …” (Hebrews 10: 23 – 25)
I pray these words would take root in my heart…
I hear your frustration, Phil. Yes, we do need to talk about these things, and yes, they are deeply important, and yes the work of theology is to engage meaningfully with what is going on in the real world.
But (you knew that was coming, didn’t you?), I also think there’s a temptation here that (I hope) the seminary is trying to resist, (and helping you to do the same). The temptation, as I see it, is this: We too easily get caught up in trying to wrestle with the immediate crises of our world and our lives without any reference beyond the immediate moment. One of the things I value about my theological training is that it forced me to engage with ideas that have been developing over centuries of faith. That’s why, as Methodists, we speak about Wesley all the time. His thoughts, and the actions that arose from them, were (and still are) world-changing, and we need to take time to grasp them and understand them, in order to be shaped and formed by them into new ways of thinking, seeing and acting.
Now, I know the reply to this could be, “But, Wesley was engaged in his time and for his thinking to be useful for us we need to apply to it our time.” That’s true, but, if we do the work of application too quickly – before we’ve really grasped and understood who Wesley (and the other great theologians) was, and how he thought and how his theology shaped him – we could easily end up misunderstanding, misappropriating, and misusing his ideas and his example. The result of this – as is seen in so many versions of fundamentalist faith that have not taken the time to really understand Jesus, Jesus’ message, and the Bible that communicates the person and work of Christ to us – is that our application can become shallow, harmful or even deeply destructive.
So, sometimes, we need to feel the frustration and discomfort, resist the urge to jump into the noise of opinion and comment about immediate events, step back from the immediate crises, and allow ancient to speak to us, so that, when we do finally engage with what is going on in the world, we can do so from a deep well of wisdom, and with a truly prophetic edge to our words.
Or at least, that’s how I see it. I hope there’s something of some value in this little ramble of mine…
Grace
John
John there is always value in your contributions and so I welcome them, especially when you call me out of myself to look a little deeper at what is troubling me and so this is my more thoughtful reflection:
I am not rejecting Wesley studies completely (the baby and the bathwater for sure). I am respectful of our tradition and the value Wesley offers us today, my frustration is that as Methodists at a Methodist seminary we know our structures well, they are deeply ingrained in us. As a probationer (and a Methodist) I/we have studied Wesley prior to coming to SMMS. What I would like to see more of is critical engagement with other traditions – traditions which will help us examine ourselves more broadly and critically. A comparative study, including other structures, may help us to be a little more open minded and reflective of ourselves as Methodists and as Christians, instead what I see around me is just ‘more of the same’, we are unable to move beyond our current modes of thinking, of being church.
Whilst I accept that studying Wesley (in both history and systematics in one semester!!) may move us to a more analytical standpoint I am concerned that we are just reinforcing what we already know and believe. That’s the one issue.
The other pertains to our engagement with the outside world (which I might add is a macrosm of my community here and now). We are unable to speak of gender issues in our classes without uncomfortable laughter, we make light of the fact that women are undermined. Harassment happens here because, as I understand it, people believe it is culturally acceptable. I need to understand this better – we all do. I would hate to leave here thinking that we have not been transformed socially and personally and I am as ignorant as the next person when it comes to these matters. Gender violence may be being portrayed in the media as a ‘hot topic’ and our response to it may seem ‘reactionary’, in which case I stand corrected. But, I would hazard, we have our work cut out for us in the wider world in addressing this (amongst others) I would hate to become ‘other wordly’ without the skills to deal with this world and its brokenness.
Lastly – my blog is my little platform for ranting, so today I lay my weary head on my blog and poured out some frustration. Granted, I was ‘whinging’ – unhelpful I know. I am grateful that you took the time to encourage me to be more thoughtful, but pray with me that as a community we would also have the courage to deal with some very real, very ugly issues. God knows, the church needs that.
With love,
P.
oh and I re read my post – it does sound like I am rejecting the study of Methodism completely – I am not. #justsoyouknow
2 things, Phil:
1) It seems that my post came across as “calling you out”. I am so sorry – that was not my intention. What I meant to do ended up being a poor attempt at giving you a different perspective on why things may be done the way they were, in the hopes that it might encourage you and give a reason for hope in the midst of the frustration. I am so sorry that my words ended up being so clumsy. And please forgive me for stepping into your very legitimate rant with what obviously sounded patronising and moralistic.
Also, I didn’t for a minute think that you were rejecting the study of Methodism, and I didn’t mean to come across as defending Methodism. I guess, if anything, I was just trying to suggest that a stance of patience might be helpful.
2) I resonate with your desire to study other traditions. I feel, as you do, that this widens and deepens our ability to think and act theologically. Perhaps the Seminary is trying to correct an overbalance away from Methodist thinking, though. This is not an attempt to defend the Seminary – rather an attempt to understand. I remember Ross once saying that we were in danger of becoming Methodists who were no longer Wesleyan. Maybe this has something to do with the emphasis you’re describing?
I also resonate with your concern over what sounds to me like the ways some of the world’s “big issues” overflow into the Seminary and are not addressed. I didn’t pick this concern up in your original post, but as you explain it here, it makes more sense to me. I am sorry that my post came across as a reprimand of sorts. I did not mean to do this. I did not think of your post as “whinging”, nor did I find it unhelpful. Perhaps if I’d taken a little more time to consider the feeling behind your words, I would have come across as more supportive in my reply – but then, and this is not an excuse, just an explanation, I am a head type (Enneagram 5) and so I don’t do feelings well. Sorry!
Thank you for sharing your struggles so openly and honestly. Thank you for the gracious way you responded to my post. And thank you for being a thoughtful, reflective and authentic voice in an institution that desperately needs such voices. Hang in there (as I know you will). Once you’re through it, your contribution to this very flawed organisation will be of more significance than you’ll ever know. It already is.
Well now interestingly, as a number 7, my direction of strength is to move to a 5, so no need to apologise John, reflecting deeper is something us number 7′s are prone to avoid, so thank you, thank you for encouraging me to think and to reflect… I do enjoy a fruitful discussion and I am very grateful for your kind affirmations.
Peace to you!